In the interest of being factually accurate, I would like to post a correction to my previous posting on my blog. Tom over at Charter Communications informed me that:
Charles,
Your use of the number 251 in your 'letter of complaint' is not completely accurate as our records show that the incorrect charging of $143.13 through ePay did not actually process. Apparently you or someone in your family must have discontinued this service, making it impossible for us to bill you further. The amount owed to you is actually $108.51. Please be patient as your check will arrive as soon as we can get it to you. I will also follow up and document your request to, "take the money owed to [you], buy the souls of our entire customer service department back from Satan, and send the remaining $108.50 back to [you] sometime before Jesus returns." In the future, please be more concise and specific with your comments as your sarcasm and degradation of our company employees hampers the communication process we value so deeply with our customers."
Cordially,
Tom #48F
My Response:
Dear Tom,
Thank you for taking the time to provide a prompt correction of my "letter." It was actually a blog posting of mine that I irresponsibly sent to over 100 people, many of them prospective customers of yours. Imagine my regret and embarrassment at having spread misinformation that tarnishes your company's good name. I will send each recipient of this unfortunate e-mail message a copy of this message so that they will know that you have only wrongly billed me for $108.51 in the six months since I dropped your service, not $251 as I stated previously.
Please know that my integrity and dedication to being precise with the words I choose and the information I provide is of the utmost importance to me. As a gesture of showing my regret for my actions, I have decided not to enclose the following statements in this message:
1. Charter is to Customer Service as Flatulence is to First Dates
2. Charter is to Ethical Business Practices as Janet Reno is to Male Sexual Arousal
It just wouldn't be right to degrade your company in this manner--especially in light of the error I made. I am a man of integrity and accountability, and I vow to choose my words more carefully from now on. Poop, Fart, Grizzly Balls.
Sincerely,
Charles
P.S. I've gotta go eat my bean dip. I have a hot date with Janet tonight.
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