Charter Communications: My Second Family

After sixth months of negotiating, I am pleased to announce that on February 6th, 2008, Charter Communications completed its work order from August 24th of 1941, er, sorry 2007 regarding Charlie and Stacy's account. Yes, they finally managed to close our account after twelve requests to shut it down and twelve requests to stop billing us for services we've not received for six months.

Charter Communications apparently had a communication problem as this now infamous work order failed to make it through to the next step in their network. . .twelve times. Each time, or each of the twelve times this happened created huge concerns for Charter. One customer service agent named Lee told me he would "communicate" (okay I extrapolated that word) the problem right away. This apparently did not happen the first time, or the next for that matter. It took...twelve times.

Over the past several months, through my many hours spent on the phone, I feel like I've gained a second family over at Charter Customer Services. There's Ahmad, who was very determined to do something to help me, if I only I knew how or in what way (He had a little trouble communicating with me as my Arabic is a bit rusty). Juan was a lovable, jolly fellow, always worth a laugh--probably at my broken Spanish as I gave it my best shot to communicate with him. But laughter like Juan's is contagious even if it probably was at my expense.

When my calls weren't directed internationally, I was fortunate enough to get to know Wendy who chomps her gum and types a bit slower than the rest of her colleagues. Then there's Earl, the lovable old codger who teems with information and helpfulness (He knows and leaks important corporate phone numbers--very helpful). I'll never forget Robbie at corporate--so forthright and accountable with his vows to put an end to such an inexcusable problem, proudly stating, "The buck stops here." Of course Robbie was just being modest with his estimates as, at last count, 251 of my bucks had stopped there. But what's $250, more or less, among family? My favorite, though, had to be Alicia, who made it very clear what an ungrateful brat I was for leaving Charter. "It's your loss; I know my company's good! You tellin' me you' perfect? You think your life is a big, red, rosy perfect bubble?" (I am not making this up). "I can't help it if you don't know when you're being billed" (This either).

In Alicia's defense, I had been a little impatient with her (our) family over there at Charter. I was a bit more tired than I had been during call number eight in January when I had to be transfered to the Customer De-escalation Service where Dee (apparently the mother of my second family) asked me a series of introspective questions like, "Sir, do you think if you calm down I'll be more likely to be of help to you or less likely to be of help to you?" (50-50 chance--Damn! I wasn't in the mood for those odds.) I was a little less tired, though, than during call number nine in January when I requested they transfer me to the Customer Escalation Service so they could get me properly psyched up to announce to Cheryl that I didn't appreciate $69.49 being charged to my credit card (They said they don't have an Escalation Service--You have to motivate yourself). But back to good old Alicia. Alicia shared a lot of wisdom with me in the time I spent with her. Best of all, she also told me I'd get my check in six weeks so I should "Be happy," a nice send off from my other "family" as we prepared to part ways.

The last person in my second family that I spoke with must have been the dad of my second family. After discussing my problems with Ron, who is also Alicia's supervisor, he didn't know what a big, red, rosy bubble was, and he regretted to inform me that he would not be able to send any big, red, rosy bubbles with my check. That kind of shot down my next question which was "Will they be perfect?" He didn't even know if there was a recipe for red-tinted bubbles. I was even willing to blow them myself (the bubbles). Apparently Alicia would end up with the last laugh after all--my life isn't, and never will be, a big, red, rosy, perfect, bubble.

I'm sure going to miss all those people. It's kind of sad now. I feel like I've become Charter's Prodigal Son. Then again, there still is the issue of that work order they just completed to "Send [my] check as soon as possible." Of course, if they continue in their usual communication patterns and mess up this work order, maybe the prodigal son will have to return after all. Maybe my family over at Charter will even kill the fatted calf when I return! Nah, I'd never wish that on Alicia.